the_echo_factor

i'm going to use thiz for poetry.
yeah.

Complex Relationships with God

Can you hear the protons and electrons breaking?
Can you feel the atoms forming?
It supposedly was an eruption of these that created us.
No God, no Adam and Eve.
We, the human race, were created as a molecular fluke, a mistake in nature's master plan.
There is no mother nature.
No Jesus, Zeus, Abraham or Moses.
There was an explosion.
Is it possible?
Is it possible that billions of years ago science created what would grow into something so complex?
There has to be something bigger that did this.
But, if it wasn't a higher power then who?
Who would create something as twisted as a human being?
Who would purposefully form a world populated with walking mistakes?
Who would purposefully form a world full of eruptions?
Eruptions of emotion, or passion.
Eruptions that have nothing to do with the scientific process of anything.
Who are we if not reflections of our creator?
Who are we if we are void of all beliefs, morals, and religion?
Who's name do we utter in times of extreme emotion?
Who's name is it that comes to mind before death?
To save us in times when we no longer can save ourselves?
God, forgive me, for ignoring your presence.
Forgive me, for not believing in your power.
Forgive me, for not saving myself.
For not keeping you close to my heart.
For my sins.
Forgive me.
Forgive me.

Yeah, so i haven't updated this shit in a long ass time. What's been going on, you may ask? let's go through it.

- No more Aaron. His parents are SCARY AS A MOTHERFUCKER.
- Never trust men, they're assholes.
- Ass. Ass. Ass. Ass.
- If pussy wasn't so nasty I'd be gay.
- The new GCH cd is dope and a half. lol.
- I gave up, for like a minute.
- I'm waiting round for a guy who's driving up from PEORIA to see me. Gawd i'm an idiot.
- On the up side, I look REALLY pretty.
- Seeing Char and Coral and Scatt and Trixay and Ari tomorrow and I'm excited.
- Seeing Susan and her stupid friends today. Not so excited. lol.
- Aaaaah this guy BETTER be cute.

great spin, eh? but yeah anywho... what has been going on lately.

i've been hanging with this guy named Manny. he's pretty cute. and i was all excited bout getting laid last night but nooo it didn't happen. that's ok tho, i had a good time with him anyway. smoked sum squares, fooled around a lil, got a lil tipsy. always fun, correct? oh wait. you guys wouldn't know. virgins!! lolol. but yeah anywho, he's a cool guy. pretty cute too. i'm almost like *swoon*. almost, not quite. for some reason tho i get a lil scared round him. like i don't let myself go all the way. yeah, i'm weird.

what else to say?

not much.

love you guys.

so, yeah. been having a bit of a rough time lately. yesterday i ended up balling my lil eyes out over a boy, of all things. i think theres a lil emo child in me that never got to live. it was supressed by ghetto. and artsy. and prep. and all those other labels that you could put me under. but back to the point....

i found out my ex never really slept with the whole world and a half... or so he says... and he said all that shit to spite me. which is pretty bad in itself, but not the point. i just honestly don't know what to believe anymore. i'm a complete and utter mess. i still believe hes the one for me, but i know we can't have our relationship right now. neither one of us have the strength for it.

it's been awhile and it still hurts. it hurts that his new girlfriend (his crazy bitch ex) is putting up all these pictures of him and her on myspace. it hurts that he's letting her. it hurts that he's using people and not living up to his full potential. and it hurts because i can't expect him to be my savior anymore. *sigh* life's SO a bitch.

love to my loverlies (char and ari)
Mimi

so yeah, now that i fixed up my livejournal more me like, i thought i'd give it a little post. but what is there to say? let's see....

me and my boyfriend got back together. found out all the drama was his ex fucking with his myspace. contrary to what others believe, theres no reason to not believe him, so i'm gunna follow my heart and head. unfortunately, he went off to texas to see his family. i miss him soooooooooooooo much. it's really not cool. i don't know how i'm going to survive without him. this whole day has just been really depressing. maybe i'll listen to some sad music and cry emo tears. ick.

while my baby is gone i'm going to work to better myself. get things done that i've procrastinated about for a very long time. start on a diet and excercise plan thingy. maybe even quit smoking... well atleast for a few days cuz i'm goddamn broke. writing some poetry would be good too.

school's almost out for peeps. i'm supposed to be having a joint party with susan on friday. i'm just kinda afraid bout the number of dudes who are going to be there. don't wanna leave poor laurence all alone. and i don't want to invite my hoe ish dudes. for the main reason that they are hos. and yeah, not fun. hopefully all goes well.

well i'm gunna waste more of my time away. laterz.

Mimi

Yeah, so hi everyone! New LJ, cheah! So i guess I'll just introduce myself here and tell you guys what has been going on lately. Maybe even post up my latest poem or two. So, let's get onto it!

A few of you know me already. I feel like I'm in an AA meeting. My name is Mimi and I'm an alcoholic. No no but seriously, I'm just addicted to smoking. On another note, I like music, art, poetry, indie flicks, and shopping. I just got out of a serious relationship and I'm trying to focus on myself for awhile. It's actually gonna be hard because I've been ignoring myself for quite a long time, even before I got into a relationship. What a bitch. My pet peeves are ignorance, bad spelling and grammar, and contradictory people. Damn bitches get on my nerves, yo!

Hmmmm now what have i been doing lately. Well i'm just trying to surround myself with friends and family. I'm getting ready to take my GED and get my ass a job so I can go to college. That'll be fun. It's quite nerve racking tho. All this studying and crap. Makes me wanna be like... eeew ness. And i mean oh jesus, i have to go out into the real world. the REAL WORLD. double eew. scary shit, man. but okay, poem time.

Doubt is the worse thing you can have in a relationship.
It ruins you; it chips away at you self esteem.
Until your nothing.
A pile of dirt lying on the ground next to all these beautiful flowers.
There once was a flower here.
It went through winter, spring, summer and fall.
The harsh times and the mild.
The good and the bad.
Everything you could think of.
Now lays a pile of unearthed dirt.
And a petal of what once had been.
And the remains of what it needed to grow lying next to it.

She walks slowly over, spotting the sad yet beautiful scene.
A lost flower among the many that are oh so beautiful.
It’s once nutrients askew next to the petal.
And she kneels down.
Drops the petal into the Earth,
Covers it up with the dirt once again.
And hope to God it defies nature and grows.